My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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