Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
