Please, let me fuck your mom
I puked a lego.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
