if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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