I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
