A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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