Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
