does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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