I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
