So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
