Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize