hotel room ftw
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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