Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
