If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
