Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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