angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
