My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
