Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
