So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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