apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize