i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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