Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
