the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
