dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
