i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
