I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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