He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
