Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
