We're like a lot better than the average bears
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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