Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize