i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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