When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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