I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
