I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
