I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
