you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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