vagina is talking i cant
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
