i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
