So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's blow job season.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just pee around me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
