I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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