1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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