I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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