I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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