i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize