Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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