I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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