Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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