My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
