I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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