I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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