everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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