i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm at about main and main street
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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