I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
