I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize