He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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