did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
