i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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