i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
