dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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