I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
