It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
