If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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