She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
