I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
