so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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