i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
