Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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