billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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