I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
