Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
