Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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