Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
